"My fairy Godmother once asked me if I’d rather have a long penis or a long memory… I forget what my answer was."-Stewart Francis-Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

"Lord help me, I was going to become a nun if my male radar didn't realign towards guys that were not walking penises." — Nicole Williams

"I feel like Adam when he said to Eve, “Back up, I don't know how big this gets.”-Robin Williams

"The penis -- if you think about it -- is the most enterprising engineering feat imaginable -- a cantilevered structure, hydraulics, propulsion, pistons, compression, inflation, heat sensitive -- practically every engineering characteristic -- towers, draw-bridges, rocket-ships -- no man-made engineering structure to match it."-Peter Greenaway

"I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, 'Is everything a joke with you?"-Jeff Ross

"Penis: Part of the male anatomy which contains the brain."-Anonymous